The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he was CRYING into my vagina
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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