saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
