that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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