So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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