Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
