Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
