i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
