quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
