so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Four minutes until I can fart!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
