idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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