I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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