I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
you never un-have a 4some
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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