Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
