Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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