So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
