I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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