I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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