i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
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Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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