Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
