so explain again why im purple
no
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
