wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
