Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
