conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
