So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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