The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
