Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
