I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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