My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
