Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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