Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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