Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
