He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
