Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
