I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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