Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
