the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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