So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
