if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
