Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
