I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
