dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He better not be in your backpack
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
