I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
