This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
i think my cat just said my name.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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