Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Randomize
