Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
