I wish I could teleport
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
