saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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