captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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