who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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