I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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