Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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