I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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