Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just want nice things and good sex
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
