Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
