Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
