he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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