Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
