I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Edward fifth and chaser hands
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
