She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
