Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
