just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
