From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
