so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
