repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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