If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
