So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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