dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
