I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
