I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
