in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
