Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
