went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
